just another moment

I thought it was some sign of going places. Instead it was a symbolic step to yet another painful adult journey.

Some nights ago, I dreamed of buying shoes, actually, sandals--white--for Mama. I demonstrated to her how good it looked by wearing them. Then I found they fit me snugly, so it also went that they would not fit her. I was comfortable and actually enjoyed wearing them, so much so that I hopped and ran and skipped in them like a child would with her new shoes. I didn't take them off anymore. Now when I looked up the meaning of the dream in our little dream book, it said there, among others, that I would undergo a long journey. This was where I concentrated because I figured the rest didn't apply to me. I actually got excited thinking of places I might step in. And then my dream turned into a nightmare.

Last night something happened at the house. There was a commotion, and I took the responsibility of settling the matter--or at least, trying to. I had a lousy time doing it, so I decided it would be unwise to involve Mama. I knew and felt like a dummy in the middle of crocs and wolves, (well, maybe just cats and mice). I really didn't know all the details and I was very frustrated. But I figured if I felt this way, then, Mama would, too. So (this may sound so martyr or stupid of me, depending on how one sees it) I decided to take all the blow.

I didn't sleep until even after the wee hours. But when it was over (well, technically, it isn't over yet), I thought about things and decided things couldn't be undone, and I had learned something, though, painfully, out of the experience. Though I still couldn't make out what to do with the situation. But I know, just like before: it will come to me. (Yeah, it is so Brad Pittish, but still...) Hopefully.